For a long time now, we’ve been hearing about how our society has become so much better for women from what it was earlier. That we, as a society, especially in the metros or the bigger cities, are giving our women the respect and equality they have always deserved.
But are things really as they should be? And has our mentality in this mainly patriarchal society really changed for the better towards our women?
We spoke to 3 women in their 30s and asked if they feel society has really changed in the last 10 years for women, and whether or not they have felt it too.
Mithu Belel
“When they look at a homemaker, they see none of those qualities of my earlier self anymore, and they doubt me and my ability to take important decisions in life.” – Mithu Belel, 34, New Delhi
Much before I got married, I was extremely independent and was financially independent too. I was always a working woman, and I also bore almost 80 percent of the expenses related to my marriage. At that time, everyone appreciated my contribution, the fact that a young girl was working hard and instead of spending on herself, was using the money to arrange for her own marriage, which is usually taken as an expense that has to be taken care of by the bride’s father alone.
Now, after being married for 7 years, I don’t have any bank balance that I can call my own. I am not a ‘working’ woman anymore, as there are many other responsibilities that I have to take care of at home. Two years back, when my father was diagnosed with cancer, I could not support him or my mother at all, neither financially nor emotionally, because today, I am not confident in myself any more. Now, when I tell people about the kind of woman I was, the independent and smart girl who was doing so well for herself in her career, people doubt me. When they look at a homemaker, they see none of those qualities of my earlier self anymore, and they doubt me and my ability to take important decisions in life.
When both men and women are working hard and earning, society looks at the man and says that he is earning to feed his family, but the woman is working only to pass her time and earn her pocket money, and she is working because she does not have any responsibilities at home.
But people tend to forget that while a man’s working hours are generally 9 to 5, or a few hours here and there, a woman’s working hours start much before her family wakes up, and ends only after everyone in her family has gone to sleep.
If a man is working late he is doing it for a promotion or for better future prospects. But if a woman works overtime, she is neglecting her home and is doing it just to please her male boss.
In many ways, over the years, I have also started looking at myself through their eyes. I think that the fact that I am not ‘earning’ any more is the reason that society looks at me as a dependent woman, who cannot be trusted to do anything on her own.
Komal Saddi Rana
“Even today, if a woman asks for a divorce, she is termed as a loose character and a horrible mother.” – Komal Saddi Rana, 34, homemaker New Delhi
India is still very far behind in terms of empowering and valuing its women. Although women are earning for themselves, most of the time it is still the woman who is expected to, and has to sacrifice her career. She is the one who comes home after a hectic schedule and cooks food and attends to her children, even if her husband is also there at home.
A woman in our society is judged at every sphere. Most women bear this unjust treatment because their own parents do not support them, it is alright for a man to stay away from home for work for days and weeks at a stretch, but if a woman does it, she is automatically characterless and irresponsible. If a child is sick, the woman is expected to take leave and stay home, even if she has something really important at work, because of course the father has to work and cannot take leave.
As far as unmarried women are concerned, our society still terms them as ‘bad’ ‘characterless’ ‘something wrong’ and ‘too modern’ if they are not married in their 20s. Premarital sex is sin. If the man does it, he is a man. If a woman does it as a consenting adult, she is still called the most shameful of abuses. Many women in India continue to have a happy and respectable life on the outside, but actually go through various forms of abuse, physical, mental and financial, but continue for the sake of their kids or parents. Even today, if a woman asks for a divorce, she is termed as a loose character and a horrible mother. If she is living alone, whether divorced, single or widowed, men automatically see her as available and she is immediately everyone’s sex object.
And oh yes, a woman who drinks or smokes is simply asking to get laid. Let’s not even go on to the topic of how society judges women on what they wear.
Change cannot come unless women take charge of their own lives. They need to balance their emotional nature with being practical too. Parents have to raise daughters with equal pride. Household work needs to be divided. Before planning a child, a couple should mutually decide who will take care of which needs related to the child, especially if both are career oriented.
Finally, what is wrong for a woman should also be considered equally wrong for a man.
A lot has changed in the last 10 years maybe, but I think a lot has not changed at all, and it’s high time it does.
Avantika Bahuguna Kukreti
“The support from the important men in your life can matter a lot.” – Avantika Bahuguna Kukreti, 35, Mumbai
I see more and more men being supportive of their wives, friends and sisters, and their choices, and this includes my husband too. Being a working mother and a woman is not easy in India, but it becomes easy with the support of men who matter in your lives. I definitely see that change in a positive way in my life.
Read Also: 6 Women Talk About What Women Empowerment Actually Means To Them
