It does not matter if your soul is the same as that of a grim reaper’s, everyone on earth likes food. I am, by no means, an exception. I wish I could be friends with benefits with food, eating all of it without gaining any weight but turns out this relationship is much more complicated than that. As much as this agitates me, I understand love is not easy and am willing to make sacrifices to make it work, but do you know where my limit stops? At fine dine food joints.
Image Credit: thespruce.com
Why? Well for starters, for a place I can’t even stand, they sure as hell have high expectations from me regarding my sitting manners. Now look, I may not be the best sitter in the world but some of us have spine issues and are trying not to snap it into half by trying to look sophisticated while stuffing our faces. In fact, it is not only sitting, they seem to have a standard for everything! Some of you might not know this but every time at fine dine restaurant, someone uses the soup spoon to eat rice or the dessert fork to munch on their steak, the whole world order crumbles, the illuminati kills their family and pandas become an endangered species once again.
Sit straight, legs crossed, don’t talk to loud, don’t talk while eating (which I know is scientifically a good thing to do but that’s not the point), know all your cutlery holding techniques, lay the napkin before eating- all of it is so exasperating that by the time I am done with my meal I am hungry again. Or maybe that is not because of all the superficial etiquettes that I am forced to follow but because of the portion size. As if enduring all the unnecessary trouble was not enough, when the food actually arrives, I am tempted to arrange for an expedition to find where the hell did the rest of my food go because there is no way on earth they expect to fill me with that miniscule amount of food with a lot of unnecessary garnishing and fancy plating. I mean, if I wanted to eat a Picasso painting for dinner I would rather fly to Louvre museum, won’t I? And the amount of money I actually end up paying by the end of the night, I could actually book a ticket to Paris!
Image Credit: Pinterest
No matter how much money I end up making in life, I know for sure, I won’t ever be able to fit into the high-end ambience of your average fine dines. I’d rather enjoy my dish at a roadside dhaba, where I sit with my spine curved and tummy filled!
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