Maintaining relationships are not easy, especially when it stops becoming a relationship but a responsibility. When it slowly becomes a burden more than a relationship, it paves the way for toxicity and abuse. Yes, abusive relationships are not a myth. The first step towards a precautious stance would be to recognize it. Abuse comes in various shapes and sizes. They could be physical or verbal. And despite your feelings for your partner, you should never tolerate even the trivialized form of abuse.
If your partner goes into frequent rage fits verging on hysteria it’s time for you to become alert and do something about it. Silence can be lethal. That might even create the false impression of you not taking him/her seriously. Hence repeating the violence won’t be a big deal.
What to do when you cannot do anything
First, you need to ignore their words or actions completely. Don’t let it get to you. Psychology says when people are raging they are likely to say hurtful things, which are only exaggerated expressions that they don’t even mean. Try empathizing with them, understand where they are coming from and stay at a safe emotional distance from such abuse. Don’t lose your calm, because that will only aggravate the crisis at hand. Try avoiding direct eye contact which can be dangerous.
Don’t Panic – It’s Momentary
Under any circumstance, remember such violence says more about the complexities and issues of your partner and don’t belittle or reprimand yourself for such outrageous behavior. They are probably hiding a lot of suppressed or, misplaced anger and anxiety. And it’s important to understand this. Sometimes a small issue, like not texting or forgetting something petty can ignite such behavior. But in most of the cases it has nothing to do with you. They take leave from reality momentarily.
Hidden Issues of the Past
Very old issues or anger of the past can come out at the wrong time in a way that may seem offensive or worse even, violent. They need to be purged of their latent issues altogether. Help them to talk it out at times when they are composed and the atmosphere is positive around you. You may not be the source of anger, and you need to constantly remind yourself this.
Do not Justify
In all probability, this stance is perhaps their defense mechanism, and if you blame them for this they will only become more enraged. Also, when they are this enraged, they barely have the ability to listen and process information or any external stimuli. So it will be a waste of time to try and justify yourself.
Tackle with Compassion
Asking minimal questions can also help, to understand the principle source of such behavior. And you need to be compassionate while doing this to say the least and comfort them, and talk to them. Once they figure out you are trying to listen and understand, they might just calm down.
Since no one can understand your partner better than you, you will know whether to leave or not. However, do try to be detached and withdrawn from such an overtly aggressive scenario. If you are married with kids, you need to be with them and tell them it is only a phase and it will pass. Try to be as endearing as possible when you speak regarding this, and make them believe that you are there to support anytime.
Prevention is better than cure. Try not to hurt or enrage your partner consciously. Buy them some flowers if you have to, but make sure they know they are loved.
Do not Succumb
If, however, the situation does not change even after days of endurance and compassion, you need to stop being a victim. Do not surrender to such behavior in fear of the society or your relationship. Take necessary steps, visit a counselor if required and set limits clearly. Make sure your partner understands that you are not afraid and that you also have the power to stand up and against abuse.
Even the wildest of creatures can be tamed and tackled through deep and unconditional love. So be patient and things might just turn better with every passing day!
