We all have friends and family who love us very much. It just gets difficult to believe that they really do because of the stupidest advices that leave their mouth. They can’t help themselves but utter the most unhelpful, if not annoying, crap to us in our crappy times. Given that each person’s way of consoling us is unique, being simply sumb isn’t a good enough excuse. Here are some things you can avoid saying if you don’t know what is the right thing to say:
1. Whatever Happens, Happens For The Best
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So the love of my life cheated on me and left me right before I was going to propose to her and this is the best you could come up with? Remind me to cancel my friendship subscription with you in time. Such words full of tough love are suitable only when your friend has nearly recovered from a sad situation and sees that there is light at the end of every tunnel. This saying particularly should be used as a push towards a better life at a later stage of recovery and not when the disaster has just struck.
2. I Know Exactly What You’re Going Through
It may sound like support in your head, but the words are all spiteful. Yeah, I’m sure you know how it feels to have a psychopath relative who’s got it out for you. Extreme example, I know. But each person perceives his own pain with that much greater severity. Don’t try to tell someone that you’ve been in their shoes only to offer advice on that count. Your presumption may not only be wrong, it may also piss your friend off more for being insensitive to their problem at the moment. Sometimes just saying ‘I understand what you’re saying’ and getting them some coffee should suffice.
3. After A Break-Up- “I’ve Never Liked Your Ex Anyway”
You may want to be a shoulder they can cry on but telling them of your disapproval after they’ve broken up or separated (for divorce) is not only meaningless, it’s outright disrespectful. Are you trying to say that you were being fake all this time towards their ex? Or are you trying to say that you’re not someone they should ever approach for an honest opinion. Saving your commentary for post break-up is hardly helpful. Had you told them that your gut told you that their ex is a lying and cheating scoundrel, your words could’ve been useful at the very least and you could’ve saved your friend from a heart break.
Don’t Think Too Much About It
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So I’ve lost 4 lakh rupees and my friend tells me not to think too much about it. Why? Because thinking is only going to stress me out. My genius friend believes that not thinking about my problem is the solution. How do I not think about the huge financial problem I’m in right now? Do I also not think about the people I’m supposed to pay up? While I’m at it, I might as well take a break from life and go on a holiday, right? Not thinking and leaving it to the universe isn’t going to pay me, you idiot.
Even with the best of intentions, we find ourselves listening to some unimaginably dumb things our loved ones say in grave situations. Let’s try our best not to be them and to forgive their naivety time to time.
