Money matters. In fact it’s one of the principle things that keeps us going. People who say they don’t need money are simply lying. What’s more amusing is, they probably say this to other people in café’s or restaurants or theatres where they are spending money. Once you start earning, you need to balance your savings and expenditure accordingly else you are likely to go bankrupt in absolutely no time. But it becomes especially difficult if you are in a relationship or married. Finance is a very volatile and sensitive issue, one that can either break you or make you.
So how to go about it with your significant other? What do you tell them and what do you not tell them?
When should you have the talk?
There is no appropriate time really. The honeymoon phase is the best and no one wants to be a vibe killer. But it’s best to know what you are working with before it’s too late. One way to approach this subject is by talking about what you both value and what are your set goals. These things always have some financial aspect attached to them. If you want to travel or start a business together you might want to talk about the monetary aspect first.
Financial incompatibility
Messy financial habits are difficult to deal with. They could be a spendthrift or a miser or worse a gambler! We all remember how Arjun’s (Emraan Hashmi) life in the Bollywood movie “Jannat” had a tragic end, for his obsession of making quick money through match-fixing, and how it had affected the life of his partner Zoya (Sonal Chauhan). Financial incompatibility involves a lot more than just money. It means different class structures, different set of goals and aspirations, worldviews and visions for the future. You might want to check these criteria before getting too serious about your partner.
How to have the talk?
- Agree to disagree. You may not comprehend each others’ financial decisions. You may like a dress that you want to spend a fortune on and he may like football boots. Give the room for acceptance and understanding where the other is coming from.
- Don’t wait too long. Talk about it when there is still time, don’t wait for the other person to bring it up or make a grand purchase. It’s never a big deal until it becomes a big deal which is when you begin to hide things from each other.
- Maintain safe distance from bluffing. Financial infidelity is definitely not a myth and you are likely to jeopardize a lot more than you can imagine.
- Talk about earning money and savings, not just expenditure. Our jobs and minor errands shape our relationship with financial matters in a very crucial way. Don’t neglect it.
Imagine these scenarios as possibilities and talk it out:
- Are you okay with your partner earning more marginally or otherwise?
- What if your partner is in a financial crisis and seeks support?
- What if you lose your job and need financial support?
- Should you have joint accounts?
- If you are married, talk about how to go about the finances when you will have children.
Find out if you are both ready. Merging accounts is a big step. And ensure both of you have an equal say in this regard. You should also look at other options like maximizing your insurance benefits and discuss how you may want to file taxes. In any case be prepared for the worst. There is only one way to ensure all of these happen and that is by communicating enough. Any relationship should be transparent. So go and have the money talk before it’s too late.
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