Since childhood; out of many questions that are left unanswered, my innermost thought couldn’t find answer to one prominent factor and it clashes my mind very often, that is why a woman is always judged by her appearance, her marital status, her social background and many things. For as long as I remember a woman is always judged for her intelligence, her skills, talents and much more.
If she goes out too often.
Image Credit: Movie – Thappad
If she likes to socialize, make friends and likes to have some great time. Or she goes out for work and she has to remain out for work. That’s a big concern for the so called flagbearers of the intellectuals of society’s prestige. They raise questions like it’s unacceptable and doesn’t suit a woman to stay out for a long time; it upsets them as they feel that it can ruin their prestige. Now ‘they’ could be anyone. A husband, a father, a father in law, uncle, mother, mother in law, aunties; it could be anyone except the woman herself. Where she is born only to bother their reputation and prestige in the society.
Judging her by her appearance
Image Credit: Movie – Thappad
She doesn’t like to wear traditional; likes to wear western more so wears western on functions and festivals; this hurts ‘their’ sentiments. They feel their reputation is at stake again. It’s more of a ‘should’ then a ‘want’ for everything in her life. She should do this; she shouldn’t do that! They decide on behalf of her; as if she gave away her brains while marrying! I wish she was asked, what she wants? Why marriage changes ‘what she wants’ into ‘what she should’!
If She has male friends
Image Credit: Movie – Thappad
She is judged for having male friends. And that defines her character according to ‘them’. If she has male friends then they are not sure if they are just friends or beyond that, so they start passing judgements about her upbringing and character. Because she has always been judged by the ‘intellectuals of the society’. They have the privilege of invading her privacy without her permission in the name of protecting the so called honour and prestige of the society. That’s how it is! It has always been like this for generations. She is judged for her loyalty. She is judged for her dignity. She having a male best friend puts her in a situation where she is given a tag of an easily available woman in their language. If she wears loud make up; that’s assumed as she wants to look appealing which is also mistaken as she is inviting unwanted attention.
She is told she is not strong enough
Image Credit: Movie – Thappad
If she decides not to marry, then she is asked how she is going to survive without a partner they have a thinking pattern of like she was born to be given away for somebody to look after her. She can’t live on her own. She is incomplete without a partner. But isn’t it okay if a girl decides to not marry. Why her decision is a prestigious issue for society she lives in.
She decides to bring her children up alone; again that becomes an issue of a social status of the family and their reputation in society is tampered. They have assumptions like she is not so strong enough to look after herself and her children. And she is also asked to tolerate with whatever way she gets treated in her marriage and told not give up on her abusive marriage as it would ruin her honour and both the families honour.
Domestic violence and verbal abuse are still not taken seriously and are treated as common things to happen in a marriage
Image Credit: Movie – Thappad
If she is treated badly by her husband and in-laws, her character assassination is done on daily basis, a reproduction device is all identity she has left of her by them and sometimes her if husband gets a bit physical, and slaps her hard; that follows later with occasional beating and verbal abuses that’s also not taken seriously; “utna to har ghar mai hota hi rehta hai”; what’s serious here is that was she taught that its ok if he loses his temper and hits her occasionally, but WHY? My question is to her parents; wasn’t she raised equally? Wasn’t she important to you when she was a child. Then why does it change after marriage? How does it affect a father’s social status and how his honour gets triggered by it, if she breaks off her abusive marriage? The family should stand by her, in fact the family in which she has got married and that husband who treats her badly should lose their honour; the woman is blamed for what? Is she blamed for not tolerating their physical and verbal abuse and domestic violence and list of things that are unfavourable!
non-consensual sex affects the mental health of a woman severely
Image Credit: Movie – Thappad
If unfortunately, she gets raped/ molested; the family prefers to keep it a secret than raising voice over it because they feel that their family’s reputation would be affected. She wants to speak up for herself and against the culprits but she is asked not to as its about her honour, family’s honour, society’s honour. Unfortunately, non-consensual sex in marriage is also very common. Her NO is never taken into account. It affects a woman’s mental health to a greater extent. A woman never approves a physical relationship with a man who doesn’t respect her; it’s a difficult thing to accept. Shouldn’t a non-consensual sex in marriage be considered as a rape too? What I don’t get is that; why is the honour only limited to a woman? A guy that rapes her should be traumatised not her, his honour should be affected not hers.
Image Credit: Movie – Thappad
I wonder sometimes how a woman has become the brand ambassador of the so called society’s honour, that what she wears, how many male friends she has, how long she stays out, she marries or gets a divorce, is she a virgin or not, all is represented by the way she chooses to live her own life. She is treated as if her life defines the honour of the society; what limiting thinking to live with. Instead the society should create an atmosphere where boys are brought up in a way that they learn to respect a woman they should be taught that even women deserve all the freedom and rights to live life their way. She is not an object; she was put to life to live, grow and die exactly like all other men in this world.
A woman alone at night in the street is not because she is supposed to be a prey of coldblooded rapists on the road; sometimes it may be her necessity. When we were children back then, how innocently we used play together, fight together, don’t know from where these limited ideas of sexual discrimination started to feed on and what makes a human so ruthless that everything changes within them and the human inside them is not a human anymore.
Image Credit: Movie – Thappad
But I am happy that woman nationwide have started realizing their worth and they don’t approve of any sort of ugly behaviour towards them they take stand for their rights and speak up against any sort of inappropriate situations; they don’t tolerate domestic violence anymore as the new woman of today is empowered, independent, confident and most of all she knows her worth. For all the women who are still silently tolerating any kind of misbehaviour please learn to fight for yourself from this Navratri onwards. You need to be respected first; before being celebrated. You were born to shine don’t let anybody that away from you!
I am sure many women, girls reading this may have liked and related to it somehow. Share me your views in the comment box below.
