The concept of being in a relationship with someone if you already have a partner was considered cheating according to me. But recently I was introduced to the concept of polyamorous relationships through a web series that I happened to watch on Netfilx (You, Me and Her). The series explores a chain of events that makes three individuals, two of whom are married to each other, a ‘throuple’. Events in the series explore the issues people face when they are involved in an unconventional relationship.
(Image Source: allenetflixseries)
To come to think of it, this was not the first time I was exposed to this concept; there have been instances of relationships like these being existent in House of Cards too. TV shows like The Bachlorette (currently being aired on Colors Infinity) and The Bachelor each of which have been running for more than ten seasons advocate this concept. A girl or a guy in case of these shows has to be involved with other partners at the same time. Eventually, they do decide on one partner over the course of the show while being involved with other guys and girls. Contestants though have to be aware of the fact that the bachelor or the bachelorette is involved with other people too. Maybe, this is the reason why those relationships last longer since they have overcome the feeling of jealousy and are truthful (mostly) during the length of the show.
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Monogamy, as a concept is being taught to us over the years and hence it can be assumed that polyamory wouldn’t exist in India. Although when an app called Gleeden was launched in India, it had more than 100,000 subscribers over a short duration of time. A simple search trend analysis points us to the opposite direction also. So is this the new norm in our society or is it a norm, which has gained acceptance. At least media seems to show the latter picture.
We are slowly heading in the direction of not questioning the idea of three (or more) people being in love with each other. A scenario where we can be with two people for who they are and still not be stigmatized. The idea of being in love has transformed over a period of time. We moved from living with one person for a lifetime to having multiple partners but across different timelines and now to a zone where love becomes liberal. Perhaps opening up to all sorts of possibilities without inhibitions is the way relationships will eventually evolve.
There is though a baggage from the society, which comes when people do unconventional things. It becomes difficult to get a house on rent, friends call you names and you cannot even think about explaining your relationship status to your parents. Characters of ‘You, Me and Her’ had a tough time convincing parents, neighbors, colleagues and siblings; the real life then would be even more dramatic.
India has been a culture where polygamy has been talked about through stories of princes and plight of princesses. There have been little or no references to polyandry, which makes things worse for women in polyamrous relationships. In friendships’ we often have people who mean different things to us. There is a wing man (or woman), 4am friend, let’s go on a road trip friend yet we want all the different shades of a partner in one person. How can one person, be an ideal date, satisfy us physically, share equal responsibility and to top that even be an involved parent? Aren’t we asking too much from one partner?
The only way to be happy in a relationship is when we either learn to accept that a single soul mate is almost a myth hence multiple meaningful relationships will spring up in our lifetime for both our partners and us or we make peace with the fact that there is no perfect relationship.
